6.10.2006

An Apology

I’ve noticed that it’s always easier to write about everything except for your own short comings. I could write a 20-page essay about sleeping habits of the three toed sloth with more ease than composing a brief history of my walk with Christ. That is because this part of my life, the most important, has been lacking recently.

I could blame it on the lack of Christian accountability or the stress of a new job, or the loneliness at the beginning of this year with most of my close friends in College Station. I could explain it away, logically finding reasons as to why this sort of thing happens. But in reality, none of that could really explain it. Because during this same time I have gained two amazing Christian friends, both turning from lives of sin to embrace God’s mercy. I’ve started teaching 4th grade Sunday School – or maybe I should say learning 4th grade Sunday School. God showed me the damage that a father’s pride can do to a family when one of my best friend’s parents split up. I have seen and heard God’s lessons, but still I feel disconnected from my eternal life-line.

Allison hit the nail on the head the other day. I take for granted how much of a God send she is sometimes. She said that since we mostly hang out with Christians, Satan does not tempt us as much with other people as when we are alone physically or alone in our thoughts. This is when pride sets in, because in front of our friends it’s easy to spout off on Christian theology and ethics, memorized bible verses and the new pop-culture Baptist praise song, but by ourselves the story looks much different. And by “we” I really mean “I”.

So now I would like to make an open apology to the following parties:

To those that saw my fake smile at church the days that I didn’t feel like being there.
To those that I gave advice to that I have not kept myself.
To those that I said I’d pray for but 5 seconds later forgot about.
To the girls I’ve tried to impress by openly talking about Biblical truths when I know that finding a Christ-loving man is a high priority for them (and I really just think they’re hot).
To those that I’m scared to show this side of my life to.
To the people that I’ve shunned because they “don’t fit the Christian mold.”
To those that I’ve taught in Sunday School or Disciple Now that I gave an Oscar winning performance.
To those that I’m trying to impress by writing this post.

To all of the aforementioned:

If you ever see me doing any of the things mentioned, please pray first and then talk to me about it. It would be better for me to be upset at you for a while than to continue sinning.

There is no way around it – we are all hypocrites and have no hope in this life to ever change that status. I pray that somehow God can change this ghetto I’ve made and instead build a master-planned community. He’s come a long way, but I keep on feeling guilty (which I know shouldn’t have, because guilt is from Satan) and can’t seem to hold on to the rope of God’s grace long enough to climb out of this hole I’ve dug myself. I know all the Sunday School answers like “pray” or “have a daily quiet time,” but supplication is always easier than application.

Sadly, a lot of the Christians I know feel the same way. It’s almost like Christian fellowship as we know it is a breeding ground for hypocrites. Look at our churches. The fact that most churches grow because the community is growing, not because of evangelism. The fact that on any given Sunday only half of a church’s members are present. The divorce rate among Christians. The divorce rate among pastors. Even the number of child molestation cases against Catholic priests.

Shortly after Jesus’ death, when the church grew exponentially, there were no Christmas pageants, youth camps, Halloween festivals, nativity scenes, ski trips, Six Flags trips, Disciple Now’s, See You At the Pole’s, WWJD bracelets, Christian Rock concerts, or Purpose-Driven Life Bible Studies. This is what they did have.

“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.” - Acts 2:42-47

Maybe that’s what we’re missing.

Maybe that’s what I’m missing.