I think they could do better

This is the only known picture of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the mastermind behind 9/11.

I'd like to say to him, "Man, if you know you're going to be captured soon, at least shave your back."

School's in for the summer (really lame, i know)

School starts tommorow.

The one sentence that stikes fear in all children after the intial anticipation of 1st grade. It signifies an end of freedom, the start of colder fall days and long cold nights, the begining of responsibility and early mornings.

This has been my feeling for a long time. For some reason, this semester my emotions seem dulled. I really don't care too much. I'm glad I'm back, but it just seems that all life is full of responsiblity now, and it just comes in different forms. If it's not work or school, it's teaching Sunday School or going to church or moving to college or whatever else. There's always something. Gone are the days of lazy weeks hanging out with friends. That was high school.

I guess too many other things are on my mind that are more important. Now it seems that it's all about making time for what's important, whether that's friends or family or God.

Of Inadequacy

My pen is quicker than my feet,
Writing the truth, but missing the beat.
To all who follow, look out! Beware!
The emperor leads, clad in underwear.

A Longing for Something More

I found this saved on my computer today, wrote on Christmas day of 2005. I don't remember what inspired it, but it may have been after watching The Island.

He has set eternity in the hearts of men... Ecclesiastes 3:11

Ever since I can remember I always wanted more stuff. I remember begging my mom for Coco Puffs in the cereal isle because I was absolutely positive that nothing else ever ever tasted better. After a few bites, though, I tried to convince myself that was still the case. Not too much later I had found a new favorite thing, and consequently many more after that. In fact, right now I have many favorite things that would fit me perfectly if I only could have one. Recently I have realized that the best things in life are the best when you don't have them. It's the hope that drives me to obtain the one last piece of a puzzle that seems only to augment with every addition. So what is any of it worth? Many of the super-wealthy have lost this drive. Throughout history, story after story tells of suicides and murders in the upper class - mostly because these people cannot hope. They have not lost hope, infact, they probably have it more than anyone else. But they are incapable of hoping because there is nothing they could hope for. Everything they want they have, anything else they can buy. There's no work, no effort, no cost. It's almost as if hope is necesary for survival. So tell me, why is this hope present? The athiest tells me that I am here because of a few katillion years of genetic lottery and this world is all there is. Then why do I feel that it's not? How can I know about something concrete and eternal when time and present pleasure is all I've known? It's like I've been implanted with a longing for something other than what I can see or hear or touch. Like I'm stuck here but someday I'll find out the truth. How can we relate so well to John Savage (Brave New World) or Truman Burbank (The Truman Show)? Maybe I'm feeling strange tonight and nobody feels this way. But for some reason I think they do.

How to not Conquer sin

I’ve tried it all.

Quietimes. Always the appropriate youth pastor suggestion for getting closer to God. For some reason though, 5 minutes of Bible reading and 1 minute of prayer didn’t seem to work. So I tried 15 minutes, then 30, then 1 hour. It may have helped me to know more about Jesus, but it really didn’t seem to far from reading a textbook.

Accountability. Very biblical, but if it’s relied on too much, the sin will come back when no one’s around to be accountable to. I was in a group that met on Fridays during the fall semester. Great accountability. Great discussions. Once Christmas break hit, though, it was back to the old ways.

Punishment. “If I do a certain sin I’ll do 50 pushups.” Nice try Nathan. Too bad that when I sin in the flesh, I can’t correct myself in the flesh either.

So the other day I had a revelation in the shower. Sin and prayer are the exact opposite. It is impossible to truly pray when you are sinning, and in the same way it is impossible to sin when you are truly praying. I’ve heard that to take sin out of your life, you have to replace the void with something else. That’s what prayer is for.

If you ask any marriage counselor, they’ll say that the most important part of a relationship is communication. You don’t get this from 5 minute bible readings, or accountability groups, or punishing yourself for bad things that you do. Serving in the church, singing and dancing in worship, speaking in tongues, feeding the poor and hungry, giving away money, all mean nothing without a foundation of prayer.

Which leads me to wonder – why is it that God usually speaks to me in the shower or on the john? Because that’s the only time that no one’s around and I’m alone in my thoughts.

This whole prayer thing is extremely challenging to me, because I am convicted of it now. To further build my relationship with God, I need to put aside the worries about not doing this or not doing that, and focus on talking with Him as much as possible.

When Your Day Is Just That Bad

Slip

Today I turned in a report for one of my classes. Here is a direct quote from what I turned in -

"my simple project turned into a Towel of Babel"

I hope my prof laughs.

Fleeing from Terrorists

"For the law made nothing perfect" - Hebrews 7:19

The other night while watching coverage of the Isreal-Lebonese conflict, Benjamin Netanyahu, the former Isreali prime minister, was asked, "Do you think that Israel should be showing the 'utmost restraint' in attacking Lebenon as other world leaders have urged?" He answered, "Imagine if one of the United State's largest cities was bombed by terrorists. Would you sit back and watch? Or what about Pearl Harbor? On December 7, the president had two choices. The first would be to do nothing and hide from this terrorist nation hoping that they won't attack again. The second would be fighting back knowing that they will attack again." Then my mom added this piece of wisdom.

"Just because there is an absence of conflict does not mean there is peace."

This morning I realized how this can apply to sin. Even if you are the most moral person - never drinking, swearing, lying, always keeping your commitments, working out everyday, eating healthy, going to church whenever the doors are open - that doesn't mean there's peace. It just means that you're really good at running away. But soon, you're heart will beat fast and sweat will drip off you're skin, and you'll have to stop or else you'll die from exhastion. But then the terrorists catch up, and you'll die in their hands.

The only way to be free is to fight. Thankfully, Jesus has already taken care of that.

An Apology

I’ve noticed that it’s always easier to write about everything except for your own short comings. I could write a 20-page essay about sleeping habits of the three toed sloth with more ease than composing a brief history of my walk with Christ. That is because this part of my life, the most important, has been lacking recently.

I could blame it on the lack of Christian accountability or the stress of a new job, or the loneliness at the beginning of this year with most of my close friends in College Station. I could explain it away, logically finding reasons as to why this sort of thing happens. But in reality, none of that could really explain it. Because during this same time I have gained two amazing Christian friends, both turning from lives of sin to embrace God’s mercy. I’ve started teaching 4th grade Sunday School – or maybe I should say learning 4th grade Sunday School. God showed me the damage that a father’s pride can do to a family when one of my best friend’s parents split up. I have seen and heard God’s lessons, but still I feel disconnected from my eternal life-line.

Allison hit the nail on the head the other day. I take for granted how much of a God send she is sometimes. She said that since we mostly hang out with Christians, Satan does not tempt us as much with other people as when we are alone physically or alone in our thoughts. This is when pride sets in, because in front of our friends it’s easy to spout off on Christian theology and ethics, memorized bible verses and the new pop-culture Baptist praise song, but by ourselves the story looks much different. And by “we” I really mean “I”.

So now I would like to make an open apology to the following parties:

To those that saw my fake smile at church the days that I didn’t feel like being there.
To those that I gave advice to that I have not kept myself.
To those that I said I’d pray for but 5 seconds later forgot about.
To the girls I’ve tried to impress by openly talking about Biblical truths when I know that finding a Christ-loving man is a high priority for them (and I really just think they’re hot).
To those that I’m scared to show this side of my life to.
To the people that I’ve shunned because they “don’t fit the Christian mold.”
To those that I’ve taught in Sunday School or Disciple Now that I gave an Oscar winning performance.
To those that I’m trying to impress by writing this post.

To all of the aforementioned:

If you ever see me doing any of the things mentioned, please pray first and then talk to me about it. It would be better for me to be upset at you for a while than to continue sinning.

There is no way around it – we are all hypocrites and have no hope in this life to ever change that status. I pray that somehow God can change this ghetto I’ve made and instead build a master-planned community. He’s come a long way, but I keep on feeling guilty (which I know shouldn’t have, because guilt is from Satan) and can’t seem to hold on to the rope of God’s grace long enough to climb out of this hole I’ve dug myself. I know all the Sunday School answers like “pray” or “have a daily quiet time,” but supplication is always easier than application.

Sadly, a lot of the Christians I know feel the same way. It’s almost like Christian fellowship as we know it is a breeding ground for hypocrites. Look at our churches. The fact that most churches grow because the community is growing, not because of evangelism. The fact that on any given Sunday only half of a church’s members are present. The divorce rate among Christians. The divorce rate among pastors. Even the number of child molestation cases against Catholic priests.

Shortly after Jesus’ death, when the church grew exponentially, there were no Christmas pageants, youth camps, Halloween festivals, nativity scenes, ski trips, Six Flags trips, Disciple Now’s, See You At the Pole’s, WWJD bracelets, Christian Rock concerts, or Purpose-Driven Life Bible Studies. This is what they did have.

“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.” - Acts 2:42-47

Maybe that’s what we’re missing.

Maybe that’s what I’m missing.